Work Life.

Working life is a little more complicated now.. I got a new colleague in my department (which I am supposed to be in charge of) now taking over me. Well she was just a helper, then I knew she was just a back-up after I leave the company. Meanwhile I'm being fished over to take care of the toiletries area. Well I'm much more busy at that department, nevertheless happier, because I got SO MUCH work to do. Which means, time passes quicker :D And also I get showered by praises everyday by the male employees. I got complimented I was a really fast worker today! Hey, these guns don't come from nothin yo. And another was saying how quickly I learned things, how I was able to do things without being taught, how my hair was looking good (weird, but thanks) and how I had to make it better (lol go away I like my hair now) and stuff like this. I got 2 free drinks from my colleages so far, both by males ~.~ I'm kinda uncertain and a little scared by their "kind" gestures, I guess I'll tryyy to stay away. Jeez. Haven't been paid my full amount of salary. *sideeyes* hope that this month will be reimbursed into my new check with more money! Whoopee! There'll be a company gathering at some community club (like once every half a decade) and I haven't got my shoes yet. Neither my watch, nor my handbag. Great. I have to go out this Thursday to get those from Orchard or something. Alright, see you soon!

sick.

very bad flu.. fever, sore throat, phlegm and headache.... ugh.

what.

found out I'm actually earning really little :( sigh.

that mannequin.

work today!

Yay I'm starting work today as sales assistant (or cashier idk) yayyyyy I'm finally useful!

Okay so yesterday I was looking through the scholarships and stuff and I'm really worried I can't get a scholarship of some kind :( I really want, and NEED it so I can not worry about my tuition fees and get to stay in the school's hostel! If I can't then I would have to travel 3 hours everyday in addition to my exhaustion and how would I have the motivation to keep studying??! omg I NEED a hostel.

Oh gosh

This blog is actually still running, this is the 6th year! xD

So many things have been happening this year. I've changed a lot on my opinions. Reading back from 2006's posts, I really was a KID! No doubt haha.

Fast forward till today, March 2012. Here I am, preparing to enter College! This is my secret sanctuary where nobody(hopefully) reads my feelings.

I've been stressed out, from cooping at home the whole day. I'm just really droopy, and I don't want to talk to anyone. I'm like on a good 8 or 10 on the stress level right now. Well I should be happy that I made it to college right?:( Yeah, I should stay optimistic.

I started dieting past 2 days, subbing my dinner with oatmeal/low carb stuff. I lost 0.3 kgs (hopefully I won't gain it back) and I need to start dancing again.

This is a short update on my life, I do hope I'll remember this blog and write a few more entries :)

<3

Whassup everybody.
Alright, this blog will officially become my personal blog to crap my feelings on. Yeup.

Ok, things happening today:
I need to eat medicine now.

Done. ( I HATE PILLS )

Fighting with bb now. I hate to do this.
I just don't like to be called a name I thought was special to me. But it seems like it wasn't for me.. A name I thought that represented me only, the name that I thought that could only belong to me. It wasn't the case at all.

I miss you? I love you a lot? Yeah, sure I do. We hadn't meet with each other for more than a week now. I miss you badly, I love you terribly. But yet, everything seems to be a lie. You say that to every friend I guess. But I don't. I only love those I really love. Don't expect me to "love" an anon. Yeah, I might not "hate" the person, but I'm certain, I won't love him/her as well.

I understand where you're coming from. I know, to you, a name is just a name. Something to call a person, but you truly are calling from your heart. I understand that. But, have you tried understanding me? I guess I'll be happy if you had tried. \^-^/ That I wanted a name that was only special to me, some name that you only call for me, a representation that I had a place in your heart, and a significant one. I'm being possessive, I know. What can I do? It's my character, it's time you had realized that. Being with me is pressurizing, I can shower you with all the love I have. I can make you happy. But, I would want all your attention when I needed. (FCP much?)

Me:"Goodbye."
You:"Bye."

That's all I left with. Looks like my phone will be silent for a while..

PROMOS ENDED. LIKE YAY.

okay, went popeyes with my friends for the afternoon, came back alone ._.
was thinking of rubbish on the train and started crying -.- It was stupid, yeah i know.
buuuuuuht whatev! :D

So I was just thinking of my, life?
Screwed promos, probable retaining yeah? Then, my friend started messaging me that she wanted so cry. So I cried on th train because of just that one message. I don't know actually. Maybe we're too close, so I feel what my friend feels. Or maybe just because I'm deeply in love. IDKIDKIDK :DD

I think I am, maybe I'm not. Shucks. Better think about it seriously tonight.
yepyep.

but anyway, I do love you lots and lots. More than what you imgagine. Don't leave me.
But this idea of me retaining, and you promoting just ears my heart.
We'll no more be of the same level. I'll be down there and yo'll be up there. If I ever promote next year to JC2, I wouldn't know how I'll go through my JC life without you. You've been giving me tonnes of support, joking with me, talking with me, crying~ If I ever leave you,
How can I always look forward to math and econs lectures so that I could catch a glimpse of you?
How can I always go to the cafe just hoping I would see you there?
How can I spare the thought that, I wouldn't be able to hug you anymore?
How can I, to be away from you, if you were ever alone?
How can I stay back to study just to be with you? Gah, remember that time you made me cry by running off with that person, leaving me alone, for 1.5 hrs, in THAT classroom.
How can I still enjoy lectures if I know you won't be around anymore...

I'm being all sad and teary now. I seriously don't wanna be apart from you.
If I ever do (which will most probably happen).. I think I'll just cry like mad.

All those promises we've made, soulmates.
Never to be apart, will always be there for each other..
I..
seriously have no idea anymore.
Sometimes, I love you so much, I could just smile and think of you the whole day.
Sometimes, I hate you so much, I cry for you the whole night.
I'm confused.

Baby, please, let us not be apart. I still wanna be with you, together.
Even if you make me jealous.
Even if you get angry at me.
But, we'll still be together, and that's what matters.

Bb, saranghaeyo.
I'ld love you no matter what.
Take my heart, I left it with you.
Forever, forever, saranghaeyo, na ae sarang.

(I SOUND CLICHE.)

facade-the things i do to make you smile when I'm feeling terrible while doing it.

love-reason why i put on a facade.

reason-you

you-are by one and only.

only-you're special, you truely are.

chinggu, yeongwonhi saranghae.
i love you.

Alright.
Had a freaking bad weekend.
Firstly, my period is fucking painful.
Secondly, the first problem just bugs me over and over again.
Third, there's chem tutorial tomorrow.

And holy shiet, I accidentally clicked on a disastrous Jongkey fanart.
I need to, idk.

Srsly fans, they don't do THAT.
Now that image's stuck in my mind.

Have to go clean my brains brb.

screwed.

freak.
I followed a twit.(twitter) after I googled for *ahem*
After so long, i only found not, it's not that person.
fml.

Just passed my 600th post like THAT *snaps finger

Right.
I got a nervous-ache-in-tummy now. Arggggh.
Great. First I didn't do much during the holidays for goodness's sake, and EVERYTHING resumes to normal tomorrow, school life, that idiotic chem teacher, PW, all that shitty things.
And f, Im spending my whole 3,4 days just messaging and waiting for messages. Like, WTS. My promos are damn f-ing near and I'm still lazing around. Seriously, I don't think I can pass my promos anymore.
I hate my life. No, I hate the bitches and exams that screws it up.

Stop everything, just stop. Just...stop.

哦我刚才发现到我可以打华文。
好呗。

我把我以前存的思想都发出来。

---unknown date---
好累，真的好累。。

今天以为，我会坚强，不会哭。
当在等巴士时 ，我一直在听伤感的歌。
有一首，特别扣人心玄。

让我照顾你－张芸京。

“让我照顾你
面对在大的风雨
也能微笑做自己
像个孩子 躺在我坏里”

就突然非常非常非常想要有个男朋友来给我靠靠。真的，今天很无助。感觉很空虚:
今天怎么没星星。。
这样的忍泪到家，然后下车在走回家时拼命听high歌。
在家里，我不能伤心。
我不能流泪
我不能亲诉
我不能真正的开心吧。。

今天就是一个很伤心很伤心的一天。
阿。。难受阿。

---another unknown date---

又是新的一个月。我很怀疑自己，能不能升级。我不想继续累了。

我的爱，会跟着我陪伴我吗？

我在想，我的爱，既然不能实现，我把他改为一种动，一勉励我的一种推动吗？因为阿，某一直都在我身边鼓励我，相信我。我也不可以辜负了某的希望。那么，我，就为某，而努力吧？加油！

---today---
某，我真的真的好爱你阿～～～～～
爱到那种疯狂，无法自拔的地步。我不要:(
可是一部分的我很想要爱！
我喜还爱的感觉。
它，很甜蜜。。让我感觉自身在一堆粉红泡泡里。一种非常期待明天，让我有希望走下去的感觉。尤其是，因为你在握需要的时候都会在那里支持者。不管我苦的多惨，都是你在安慰我，可能也是因为我之跟你一个人说。^o^ 你那种照顾，不停的撒娇，让我深深动摇。爱，常常彼此你说。
“爱你阿～”
“宝贝爱你哟”
“傻瓜！快点去休息！”
“去吃饭”
“给。我。去。睡。觉！”

这些简单的提醒，纯纯的是。。一种很基础的关心，每一次，都把我的心融化成一滩。。一滩薄荷巧克力。。？那是我最喜欢的口味。哈，跟这个没关系。
对啦，都把我融化。
心中暖暖的，被包裹着一层，爱。

未来无限可及，因为这种陌生，才会期待。
但因为这种陌生会害怕。
因为你，模糊的未来更清晰。
因为你，要承受的苦，都显得更甜。
因为你，伤心不再伤心。
但好像因为你，我才伤心。
但有了你，我从伤心走出。

好了，澄清。
我不在谈恋爱。真的。正处于单恋。
我们虽然是朋友，但想要更多。你明白吗～？
不知道不知道！！
不要试着解开我想说有不想说的秘密！因为，只有你，唯一的你，才配得上我的爱。

I love you.

600th.

Arggh, stressed. OM, WR, PME.
No sleep tonight.
Fuck me.

What am I thinking, I was researching on young people and children, I switched tabs and read young people and chickens.

ONEW SANGTAE IS GETTING TO ME.

i just nosebled from this



Alright, proceed :D
I HAVE to learn that dance! omgomg, it looks so nice! (with key dancing) I havent watch the real MV yet. xD

I srsly wanna dance. Nw's like in the middle of the night =="
OK, do pw. Gahhhh.

im gna be late D:

<3

In love, out of love, in love, out of love.
Current: halfway.

bb, please be by my side.

I want yawwww messagggeeee.

this is love

firstly
shall start eradicating my addiction off YOU.

and secondly, start my jjong addiction :D

omgomgomg, jjong and his lips.
him and his formal wear. gawwwd.
aww, bb please stop growing muscles, it's expolding, i dont want you to be kim jong kook. Your muscles are fine (and sexy) ^^~

message for jonghyun: you've been my motivation for so long, just want you to know that there're millions of shawols out there cheering you on(me included). jonghyun appa, let's make memories. (:

It's always YOU.

Gawd.
I better stop thinking about love that darned thing and concentrate on my work ):